At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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