I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
