Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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