I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
