Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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