remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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