I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
