so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
