she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
