my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
