More tranny stories later!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
