I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
