Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
