When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
