I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
