Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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