I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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