weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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