I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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