Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
