My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
People in love make me want to vomit
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
