I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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