If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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