I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
