my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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