I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
vagina is talking i cant
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
