they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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