Taylor Swift is so right about you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
