So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
