I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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