What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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