You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
