Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Couch. On fire.
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