I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize