maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
