I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
