I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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