i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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