we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
