so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
bring money and cleavage
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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