my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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