How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
