Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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