Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
