I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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