how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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