The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
