From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
