Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
