Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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