You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
