eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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