Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize