i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize