What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
