maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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