FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
