obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
