And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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