I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
