Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
