fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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