I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
