JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
