you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Come see our sink grown plant.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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