the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
