My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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