Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
